Thursday, February 13, 2014

One engagement

So you made it through the sappy love story..Congratulations!!! I was on cloud nine being engaged, graduating with my dream degree, and newly employeed. My type A personality soon kicked in, and I only allowed myself a few months of engagement bliss before I dug my heels into wedding planning and life alignment. I am a thorough believer that trudging through mudd..well not literally...with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancĂ© will teach you years about the compatability of you and your partner. Take the time you have before your married to ensure you compliment and challenge one another. No marriage is perfect; if your from the outside looking in on a relationship that appears to be to a fairy tale, know in your heart that either that couple worked their butts off to love and respect one another, or it is just a facade. I didn't want that latter fact to be true for CD and I, and I don't want It to be true for your marriage either. Almost EVERY good thing requires you to reflect internally, to learn from those who have gone before you, and to put in effort. Why as a society do we  strive tirelessly for greater titles, higher pay, and more material objects but assume a marriage and family are supposed to just work themselves out amongst our personal goals? It is your duty as either an engaged couple or just a couple to ensure, as best as you can, that marriage is in your cards. After I got engaged to a man I loved, I realized that if we were going to spend our whole lives together we had to iron out some serious re-emerging problems. Once we booked my dream venue and had the essential details confirmed, one truth about the deficiency of our relationship reared its proverbial ugly head. Throughout our entire relationship CD and I disagreed on one key thing... My desire for CD to take the lead and my inability to trust that he would lead us the "right" way. This problem was amplified 6months prior to our wedding. CD and I had been having problems with our front door lock sticking and specifically my key getting stuck. After a long day running errands and picking out wedding items, I came home with hands filled, and after 20minutes of struggling called CD practically in tears to come rescue me....well CD had other plans. He was currently pre-occupied and had no intentions of rushing home. I became infuriated, started sobbing, and hung up on him.  CD came home promptly, and the situation escalated.... After 20 minutes locked in the bathroom ( I know..very classy right), praying, crying, and questioning if I was ready to commit the rest of my life. I realized that this argument had nothing to do with being locked out (uh duh) and everything to do with my fear that CD wasn't going to take care of me or be the leader I needed. We both apologized and acknowledged that there was a bigger issue here that if not fixed would be our demise.  I realized that CD and I had one engagement and one chance to build a strong faith based foundation. Now you might not have lock problems or even leader problems, but I know that there has to be those common threads of disagreement. You need to acknowledge them; recognize that you both likely contributed to those disagreements and that you can alter your future and strengthen your start. You can start at your beginning whenever your ready to work at it! Our pastor recommended we read Love & Respect by Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, and I recommend you do it to! It led to us breaking "our cycle of crazy"

No comments:

Post a Comment