One engagement

So you made it through the sappy love story..Congratulations!!! I was on cloud nine being engaged, graduating with my dream degree, and newly employeed. My type A personality soon kicked in, and I only allowed myself a few months of engagement bliss before I dug my heels into wedding planning and life alignment. I am a thorough believer that trudging through mudd..well not literally...with your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé will teach you years about the compatability of you and your partner. Take the time you have before your married to ensure you compliment and challenge one another. No marriage is perfect; if your from the outside looking in on a relationship that appears to be to a fairy tale, know in your heart that either that couple worked their butts off to love and respect one another, or it is just a facade. I didn't want that latter fact to be true for CD and I, and I don't want It to be true for your marriage either. Almost EVERY good thing requires you to reflect internally, to learn from those who have gone before you, and to put in effort. Why as a society do we  strive tirelessly for greater titles, higher pay, and more material objects but assume a marriage and family are supposed to just work themselves out amongst our personal goals? It is your duty as either an engaged couple or just a couple to ensure, as best as you can, that marriage is in your cards. After I got engaged to a man I loved, I realized that if we were going to spend our whole lives together we had to iron out some serious re-emerging problems. Once we booked my dream venue and had the essential details confirmed, one truth about the deficiency of our relationship reared its proverbial ugly head. Throughout our entire relationship CD and I disagreed on one key thing... My desire for CD to take the lead and my inability to trust that he would lead us the "right" way. This problem was amplified 6months prior to our wedding. CD and I had been having problems with our front door lock sticking and specifically my key getting stuck. After a long day running errands and picking out wedding items, I came home with hands filled, and after 20minutes of struggling called CD practically in tears to come rescue me....well CD had other plans. He was currently pre-occupied and had no intentions of rushing home. I became infuriated, started sobbing, and hung up on him.  CD came home promptly, and the situation escalated.... After 20 minutes locked in the bathroom ( I know..very classy right), praying, crying, and questioning if I was ready to commit the rest of my life. I realized that this argument had nothing to do with being locked out (uh duh) and everything to do with my fear that CD wasn't going to take care of me or be the leader I needed. We both apologized and acknowledged that there was a bigger issue here that if not fixed would be our demise.  I realized that CD and I had one engagement and one chance to build a strong faith based foundation. Now you might not have lock problems or even leader problems, but I know that there has to be those common threads of disagreement. You need to acknowledge them; recognize that you both likely contributed to those disagreements and that you can alter your future and strengthen your start. You can start at your beginning whenever your ready to work at it! Our pastor recommended we read Love & Respect by Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, and I recommend you do it to! It led to us breaking "our cycle of crazy"
Fondly, 
A

How we began

How it all began...Newly single and not ready to mingle... I met my now husband at a time when I was determined to focus on my friends and live up my last months home. I was only 17 and preparing to head off to college with my best girlfriends. Slowly I was charmed by a dashing fellow employee; he was home from college in the exact town where I was soon to travel in 10 months as a freshman girl far away from home. Months later, I was swept off my feet; my resolve crumbled and I became the first and last girlfriend of my husband. Fast forward 4 years, CD and I remained committed to one another and had navigated arguments, sleepless midterm weeks, family vacations, and faith together.  I began to realize that no one could make me laugh, calm me down, challenge me, and frustrate me like Collin. Things were amazing when we were happy but what really convinced me that I wanted to marry CD was when we argued we were still good. I truly believe that single characteristic of a relationship can tell volumes about who the people are individually and also cumulatively as a couple. While I was obtaining my Doctorate degree, we braved two years of long distance, at times days without talking, and months and countries occasionally separated us. Our frustration with being apart led to arguments; that trial taught me that missing someone can be healthy, and defining and striving for your individual goals is essential as long as you do that within the context of your partner's goals. The night before my college graduation, CD and I reminisced at the college campus of all our favorite spots and everlasting memories. As I reflected on how difficult it would be to leave a town that was my home for 6 years, CD got down on one knee, presented the most beautiful ring I could have imagined, and reassured me that we would always find home together. That night would change our lives forever and was the beginning of a journey that has taught me the importance of preparation before marriage and how to reason and struggle my way through being a new wife.  These are all lessons and failures I hope we can embark on together. When CD and I took two solemn vows, we committed to share one life and beat the staggering statistics of divorce in this nation.
Fondly,
A