Saturday, March 1, 2014

The first of 3 Fs

 I am glad you have decided that you want to improve your start, or at least, I have perked your interest. For CD and I, figuring out what we struggled with was glaringly obvious. Developing a plan of how we were going to reestablish our roles and combine our lives was going to take effort!! First, acknowledge that there are 3 primary areas that you and your beloved need to talk about and agree on. Fondly called the three Fs..Faith, Finances, and Family. I cannot stress enough the necessity of having conversations about your opinions, hopes, and status on the three Fs will become. Candidly discussing the names of your unborn superstar children or " thanking God for that huge sale at Bloomingdales " do not count as addressing your opinions on the Fs. If your not the initiating type, meeting with your pastor/ spiritual mentor or a couples counselor will mediate and direct these conversations.  During the years, CD and I had shared our faiths, attended churches, and even prayed together, but even those experiences did not substitute for a real discussion. We talked about desires to change denominations; Expectations after marriage of church attendance and participation, thoughts on tithing, and what our children would be raised as. These discussions lasted for weeks, made us both look internally to what our goals were, and reflect on where we expected the other to fall into that picture. Now, this like all the three Fs can be pretty treacherous territory if you think to much with emotion and less with practicality. People's opinions differ and those differences make beautiful harmony, but these items are uncompromisable.... Understand that I am coming at this from a Christian etiology. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, God warns against marriage of two people unequally yoked ( no this has nothing to do with a symmetrical omelette yummy)... I had no idea what this meant when I first heard it or the true challenge it could cause.  Think about it like this..... Your intending to live the rest of your life with someone who fundamentally does not believe in what composes the foundation of your life. Or even like this for you science nerds/foodies, it is like trying to keep the balsalmic (polar) mixed with the vinegar(non-polar)... you can shake it all you'd like and for a moment it appears that they have intermingled enough to pour on your fav salad but that is all it is..a moment. The core polarity of those two things cannot be altered they are essential to the material.  Like this romance that has blossomed you've made it work so far because your love has allowed/blinded your interests enough to make you believe you could work through anything, but once the shaking stops and everything mellows out your foundations/ polarity will emerge and you'll feel miles away from one another. I am not suggesting that people do not change or that they cannot be called to faith at any time in their life, but I am simply reinforcing that until they reach that decision or their spirit is supernaturally transformed, your marriage, engagement, or relationship will be plagued with heart break. I have watched this occur with many hopeful friends and family members AlWAYS resulting in turmoil and tragedy. Whether it be faith or no faith ( I pray for you that you've chosen faith) let it be a choice you've agreed upon together and share in your hearts.  If it is not, you face the strong reality that the one you so loved you must let go of to save both of your happinesses and futures apart. As unbelievable and harsh as this sounds, you are selfish if you know God's will and choose to ignore it for temporary pleasure or lusts. A harsh reality I too had to face with my first love and one that led me to find the man of dreams to whom I am forever equally yoked. 

This inspirational article provides more insight if your struggling


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